DIXI groups for families

One of the biggest problems with setting up groups for families is that the facilitator can easily feel that they lack experience when it comes to rape. If you have experience of working in similar self help groups, such as for anorexia, you’ll find that DIXI relative groups are much the same.You just make it up as you go along, and there’s no recipe for it. Family members have varying problems, depending on what’s happened after the rape. Some report the matter to the police, others choose to wait, others decide not to report it at all. Some people have experience from encounters with a rape clinic, others haven’t been in touch with the health service at all. There might be huge variations in the amount of time since the rape took place.

Whether or not the assaulter was known also has a certain part to play, as does the age of the victim. First and foremost, family members want information. They want to know absolutely everything. By meeting other family members who are in the same situation, they can often advise and support one another. There’s always someone who’s progressed further along the line that the others, and who can contribute their story. To start off a DIXI family members’ group, we have plenty of experience of contacting the local press. We hold an interview with the people who are going to be working with the group, and we invite family members interested in taking part to get in touch with us. Place the ad in the paper, making sure it states clearly where people can meet up and who they can get in touch with if they want to take part in the group.

At the first meeting, it’s a good idea to introduce the person who’s going to be leading the group first, but also to allow the families to introduce themselves and their problems. How much people want to reveal about their private business is entirely up to them, but it’s important to get them to put into words – briefly – what their child has experienced, and what’s been done on the matter. Then you’ll see, when they start to feel secure in themselves, that most of them will start to open up more and more. There are often major differences between the father’s and the mother’s view of the situation and the ways in which they communicate with and approach their child following a rape.

It’s important to talk about promises of confidentiality, even though this doesn’t need to be demanded in writing. Remember that taking part in this kind of discussion group is voluntary (and certainly difficult as well), and the whole thing has to be based on trust and help to help themselves.

Define how long each meeting should be, and how long the group should continue to meet. We usually set up meetings for three months ahead, and then evaluate the situation. Some groups want to leave it there, while others need another three months. It’s up to each individual group and its facilitator. Set up a meeting plan with the participants. Are they interested in meeting a representative from a lawyer’s office, the police, a doctor or a health visitor? Try to come up with something that gives them a positive reason to attend the group sessions and make a little contribution. (Cf. a great need for information.)

Talk about what they’re expecting from taking part in a DIXI family members’ group. They should all have clear notions of what they’re expecting of themselves and others in the discussion group. Mention that they ought to give priority to these meetings, to showing up on time and letting the others know if they’re going to be absent.

Don’t beat about the bush! Discuss the most difficult topics. Ask the family members to note down the things that spring to mind over the week in anticipation of the next meeting. Don’t be afraid of strong reactions – they’re a real help! Anger and tears are necessary if they’re to move on. Why not start off your meetings with a summary of the past week?

• Special things that have happened since the last meeting.
• What’s the worst thing right at that moment in time?

Limit the amount of time each person has to speak so that they all get a turn. Take questions around the table. Clarify the situation in advance if you spend a lot of time with one family so that nobody feels guilty or has a bad conscience.

The discussion group is independent and self-run. Each and every individual there is responsible for making sure their own needs are met and for setting boundaries. It’s important to include everyone in the discussions.

Do you feel you need more information on starting up DIXI family members’ groups?

If so, feel free to get in touch with me for more information!

Group tasks for setting up families groups
What’s the biggest problem with setting up a DIXI family members’ group?

• Reluctance among the staff at the crisis centre, for example
• Reluctance among psychiatric nurses at the rape clinic, for example
• Reluctance among health visitors, for example
• We can’t lead these groups, we’ve never been raped ourselves.”

such startup problems.

How do I start up the DIXI families group?

• Call the individual who’s been in touch with the clinic?
• A report in the newspaper – who arranges that?
• An ad in the newspaper – who pays for that?

How do I set up the first meeting?

• Who’s to take part – both mother and father? Do both HAVE to be there?
• One or more leaders?
• What kind of thing should we discuss at the first meeting?